This morning the realization hit me that I've lived in Washington for over 2 years. I can remember how scared and unsure I felt when I first moved out here --Will I be able to get a job? Can I afford to live on my own? Will Steven ever propose? I had a lot of questions about my future and a lot of uncertainty as to whether or not I had made the right decision for myself.
That first year was a whirlwind of events. I did get a job, I was able to afford my own place, and Steven and I got married. But I'd have to admit that during that first year, even though things were working out better than I had ever hoped, I wasn't very happy. In fact, I was pretty damn miserable. I experienced that kind of homesickness that causes physical pain. I ached for my family, friends, and a comfortable home I felt secure in. I was plagued by severe anxiety. My mental state began to wear down my physical wellbeing. I gained weight and suffered from stress induced dermatitis and acne outbreaks. I allowed myself to wallow in negativity and resentment. And then one day, I decided to make a change.
I decided to take my happiness into my own hands, to change my lifestyle and take control of my physical and mental wellbeing, to think positively and practice gratitude. I completely revamped my diet and dived headfirst into a new Paleo / yeast free way of eating, I took up yoga and spent long hours on walks with the pup and my husband. I invested in quality time with others, allowing myself to open up and to enrich my life with friendships. I found a Naturopath and discovered the healing powers of vitamin D!
It wasn't easy, it took lots of disciple and hard work, but slowly I started to notice that I was beginning to feel a sense of contentment and experience joy in my day to day. It was as if I shed bitterness, resentment, and negativity along with the 15 lbs I dropped and the bad skin. I felt lighter, freer, and settled. And that's when it hit me, I'm beginning to settle in. I'm beginning to settle into this new life on the West coast. I'm beginning to settle into my marriage, into my home, into the friendships I have made, and into the life Steven and I have begun to build for ourselves.
I'm not "settling" in the bad kind of way -- as in settling for a mediocre life -- but in a much different way. Just as a tree plants its roots deep in the ground and becomes firm enough to withstand all of life's storms, I too am feeling grounded with where I am in life. I've begun to settle into this new place. I feel firm, grounded, and secure. And although there is still a lot of uncertainty in my life, one thing I am certain of is that I can withstand any storm that may head my way. I might be rattled and come to a little worse for the wear, but I know I can remain strong and grounded.
It may have taken 730+ days, but here in Washington, 3,000 miles away from all I used to know and love, I am settling in --and that feels really, really good.