They say love makes the world go round. Well, if that’s true, my world spins a little faster with Steven in it. We don’t have the typical love at first sight fairytale; rather, ours goes a little something like this.
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Once upon a time, there was a princess who thought she had met her prince. Come to find out, she most certainly had not. I met my ex in high school. On paper, he’s perfect. Cute, funny, loves the Lord…all those things we hopeless romantics put on our Must Have in Future Mate lists when we’re 6 years old. Yet, four years into dating this paper-perfect man, I still had this sickening feeling in my stomach and these all-consuming doubts in my head. I’m honestly not certain why he wasn’t the one. Truthfully, if I read a list of all his traits I’d probably say, “That is him. That’s the guy I’m going to marry.” I thank the Lord everyday though that he knows my heart more intimately than I ever can.
I met Steven the summer before my junior year in college. Although we went to the same university, I never saw him at school. I had recently decided to move off campus for my junior year, which meant I needed to buy a car, which in turn meant I needed a job to cover these expenses. I took a serving position at a country-styled restaurant that makes banging pancakes {many of you know it as Cracker Barrel} and hated every minute of it. Usually grumbling and miserable, I never noticed I was being noticed by the All-American, blonde haired, blue eyed waiter; honestly, I don’t think I would have known his name if it wasn’t stitched onto his apron.
Life went on. I paid my bills, wrote my papers, aced all my exams, and daily grew more discontent and anxious over the relationship I was in. I won’t go into details because there isn’t much to tell. It just wasn’t right, and the heart knows those types of things. I’m not sure when or what made it happened. Maybe Steven and I started working more shifts together, maybe we simply started speaking more {despite the impression you probably get from this blog, I’m actually rather shy and don’t talk to people very easily}. Whenever it was or whatever it was, a change took place, and I noticed him. But I was with the paper-perfect man, and I don’t give up on things easily. Even when they are bringing me down, making me sick, and turning me into someone I can’t recognize. I was determined to make it work with my ex and determined not to stare too long at Steven’s striking blue eyes {or nice butt, Steven has a really nice butt, fyi}.
Soon, I found myself wanting to go to work. I couldn’t wait to see him. I wasn’t oblivious to his attention, the flirtatious looks and OH SO CHEESY pickup lines! Steven was anything but subtle. I began talking about him to my friends, analyzing his every glance and pondering over his every word. I remember talking to my best friend and roommate, Beverly, about him touching my hand in the server aisle one day. “Did he mean to do that? He knows I have a serious boyfriend, why is he flirting with me? Maybe that’s just how he is. I bet he doesn’t even like me.” Needless to say, I was thinking about him. A lot. Furthermore, pretending not to notice his advances was becoming more difficult and the realization that I didn’t want to ignore them any longer was paralyzing.
This went on for about seven months. Seven months of me clinging to a broken relationship trying to piece it all together. Seven months of me continually pushing aside the overwhelming feelings I was having for Steven. Seven frustrating months. It was hard. I was in a sort of tailspin…I cried a lot, and prayed less often. Yet, in those rare moments of prayer I found tranquility, and more importantly, I found strength--strength to let go of something that was not intended for me. I broke up with my ex.
That same day, I went to work. My eyes were red and puffy {I have a very ugly cry face}, and much to my chagrin Steven was there. His advice surprised me, and quite frankly, made me angry. He told me he was sure my ex and I would get back together. He said people don’t date for four years and then just breakup. What the eff! Did he really just tell me that? Before all this I had made up my mind that although he was super cute with his persistent attempts to get my attention I WOULD NOT go out with him. Yet now, I was disappointed at his obvious non-pursuit of me when I’m finally single. His response to my breakup was confusing, but not as confusing as the disappointment I felt.
His approach soon changed. Before the week was over he asked me out. I said no. He asked me out again. I said no again. Finally, he asked me out with a group of coworkers to go to a movie. I said yes, after all, I wouldn’t be the only one there. It wasn’t a date. Then when nobody but Steven and I showed up {trickster}. I was mortified/excited. I don’t think I breathed the entire movie and all I could think was “Is he meaning for his arm to touch mine or does he not even know that it is??”
Spending time with him soon became my favorite moment of each day. I was drawn to him in a way I had never experienced. Surprisingly, it wasn’t frightening—it felt perfect. When I was with him everything seemed so right. After four year with my ex, my future still seemed foggy, and then after 2 months with Steven, everything in my life became crystal clear. I fell hard and quick, and everyday I continue to fall deeper.
In March, I flew to the west coast to meet his family. I knew after that week that I wanted to move to Washington to be with him forever. {Can I just interject that I am the least spontaneous/adventurous person you will ever meet! I have each day perfectly mapped out. Washington has never been on this map!} I think everyone was shocked by my announcement {including myself}, but I received such support from my family and friends, and an overwhelming sense of peace from the Lord, that I knew this was the right decision and God’s intended path for my feet to trod upon. Every day I receive affirmation anew that with Steven is exactly where I’m meant to be. By his side I am home and in his arms I am happy. My biggest fear, that I could potentially lose everything by following him across the country, has become obsolete. Instead, I found myself. The me that was cowering and shaking with fear over the possibility of making one mistake, the me that couldn’t let go, the me that had allowed myself to become lost in another. He found me. He makes me brave, and for that I am forever grateful.
In a nutshell, Steven and I are complete opposites and a perfect match. He is the ying to my yang, the love song continually stuck in my head, and the one I want holding my hand forever.
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Honestly, I don’t feel like I articulated our love story well enough. Every word it took to form these sentences seems inadequate. How can I possibly describe the moments that made me fall in love or the character of the man who has the possession of my heart? I think it’s impossible. But our story is beautiful to me.
