I've made it through one whole week of the #BlogEveryDayInMay challenge! Thankfully, I'm not feeling burned out yet, but rather, quite the opposite. I think the prompts are fun and thought provoking, and I'm enjoying blogging a little bit 'outside of the box' so to speak.
Today's prompt reads, "the thing(s) you're most afraid of." Obviously, there are the usual ones that anyone who knows me is well aware of (spiders, slugs, and worms), but when I first read the prompt for today, those weren't the things that came into my mind. I am serious about the worms thing though. They scare the crap out of me, which makes gardening quite an arduous task. No, instead the first thing that popped into my mind was the future.
I genuinely have a fear of the future. Which, yes, is rather irrational, but nonetheless, very real. I worry about it all the time. I obsess over it some days. I balk at the idea of change. Any change --big or small --makes me feel vulnerable and as though things are steamrolling out of my control. And I think deep down, that's really what it is --a control issue.
I can't control what's going to happen to my little family. I can't always keep them safe. I can't protect them from disease and sickness. I cannot control mine and Steven's financial future. I don't know what unexpected challenges are going to come our way and if we'll have enough resources to handle them. I can't control the health and safety of my loved ones back on the east coast, and I fear something unforeseen could happen to them while I'm over here -- 3,000 miles away and unable to do anything that could bring them healing or comfort.
|I love my sweet, little family!|
I fear the future and all the unknowns that go along with it. I am a total worrywart. It is my biggest downfall and greatest struggle. I wrestle with it on a daily basis and realize that until I accept that I cannot have control over every facet in my life and in the lives of others I love, I will continue to struggle with this fear and be plagued by worry.
I wish I could say I'm improving...that I'm making strides in fearing the future less and simply living in the present, but if I am honest, I'm really not. Most days I continue to let the fear and anxiety associate with the unknown grip me.
I'm working on it. But I'm not yet there.
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
Franklin D. Roosevelt