Our Birth Story

To say Jack's early arrival was a surprise is an understatement. Everyone was telling me Jack would be late. I had mentally prepared myself to have a March baby, not one 2 weeks early! But God's timing is perfect and he knew Jack's birthday well in advance and helped me and Steven prepare for an early arrival unknowingly. 

The Saturday before Jack came, Steven and I spent the day preparing --making freezer meals, installing his carseat, washing all his clothes, deep cleaning, etc.--  and then I started my work week out like any other. After work on Tuesday I went to my 38 week midwife appointment and told them I thought Jack was quite comfy in there and wouldn't come for quite some time... Little did I know I'd be back there holding my sweet babe in my arms less than 24 hours later.

(FYI, I'm writing down all the details more for my sake than anyone else's. Meaning, if birth and all the goo that comes with it grosses you out, I'd quite reading now. K?)

I woke up at 1:30am to my very first contraction. I honestly didn't think much of it and went back to bed. I woke up again at 3:30 to use the restroom. While climbing out of bed I heard a slight pop and felt a small gush of fluid run down my leg. I thought, "either my water just broke or I peed on the carpet." The second option seemed more likely to be the case since I thought there was no way Jack was coming anytime soon, but almost immediately my contractions started getting more intense. I thought it best to let Steven continue to sleep, thinking my labor would be at least 30+ hours. However, from that point on, I got no sleep. I couldn't lay down because the contractions were so terrible. I thought the best thing to do was stay busy and try to ignore them until Steven's alarm went off. So I got up and decided to do a load of laundry and pluck my eyebrows. Yep, I plucked my eyebrows.

Before Steven's alarm went off at 5:30 I found myself struggling to stay relaxed with each contraction. The pain was so bad I kept thinking that if this is early stage labor there is no way I'm getting the unmedicated birth I'd practiced and planned for. When Steven woke up I told him I was in hard labor. Like the good husband he is, he didn't believe me ;). After all, it had only been 4 hours since my very first contraction. We scrambled around for about an hour or so throwing things into our hospital bag and shooting off emails to work, but every time a contraction hit I was doubled over in pain. I couldn't keep moving through them. I had to either hold on to Steven, resting all my weight on him and allowing my body to go limp, or I would squat down and rest my arms and forehead on my bed. With every contraction I keep thinking this can't be early labor, this can't be early labor.

Shortly thereafter, my contractions starting coming one right after the other. I was getting no break in between and it took every fiber within my being to stay relaxed each time a wave hit. Steven timed my contractions and we discovered they were less than a minute apart and lasting about  90 seconds. I think at this point he still thought there was no way I was this progressed in labor, and I too was skeptical and afraid to leave for the birth center too early. But in the end I know my body. My baby was coming and he was coming soon.

At 9:30 we made our way to the birth center in Bellevue. I listened to a relaxation CD given to me by my Bradley instructor over and over again. It helped me stay relaxed and in tune with my body. Each time a contraction hit, I just prayed to God that he would help me get through just this one! He answered and at about 10:15 we pulled up to the birth center.

They quickly checked my progress and told me I was 6-7 cm dilated and fully effaced. I couldn't believe it. My baby was coming! My baby was coming today! I continued to labor with Steven holding me up and supporting my weight or by squatting down knee to knee and forehead to forehead with him. He was so amazing! It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I couldn't have done this without him.

The midwives started preparing a bath for me. It felt so great to get into the water! A warm bath really is nature's epidural! The only position that felt good to me while in there though was squatting and leaning over the tub with my arms on the ledge. After about an hour of working through my contractions in there my feet were turning blue and I needed a change. I decided to step out of the tub and go into the bathroom. I sat on the toilet there for a couple minutes and then it hit me --I needed to push. I decided I didn't want Jack to be birthed on the toilet. I asked the midwives to warm up the tub again and made my way back into the water.

Pushing was, as one would expect, hard. The midwife kept reminding me to work with my contractions. If I felt like I needed to push --PUSH! Some women describe the pushing stage as feeling good. It didn't feel good at all, but it did feel necessary, unavoidable, primal --and so I pushed. I pushed for about an hour until one of the midwives announced that she could feel his head. I reached down and felt Jack's perfect, hair-filled head. It was the most amazing moment of my life. These 9 months, the classes, the research, the eating healthy, the singing, talking, and praying for my little man all came to a head. He was almost here and my heart was bursting....but my contractions stopped.

I kept hearing that I needed to work with my contractions, but I wasn't having them anymore. His head was almost halfway out and I no longer had the strength or the contractions I needed to finish the job. I felt immense panic and for the first time started to cry. Steven and my amazing midwife kept encouraging me, contractions or not, to push my little man out. I prayed, pushed, and made noises I never knew I was capable of. Then I reached down and caught my son in my arms.

At 12:51 Jack was born. Less than 3 hours after arriving to the birth center.

I couldn't believe it. Jack was here! I was so consumed in looking at my perfect boy, kissing his sweet lips, counting his tiny finger and toes, and smelling his sweet skin that I was oblivious to what was actually happening to me. Steven and the midwives helped me stand up with Jack still in my arms to make my way back to the bed. I was hemorrhaging and they needed to get me to lay down. Steven said that when I stood up the amount of blood he saw literally gushing from my body was terrifying. I had no idea as I held my little boy and laid on the bed like the midwives instructed. I felt the prick in my leg as they shot the pitocin in me, I noticed the sting on my arm as the hooked up the pitocin IV drip, and I felt and pressure of them pushing on my stomach, but I didn't know how bad it was until I looked up smiling to tell Steven how perfect Jack was, expecting to see him smiling down at our little boy, but I noticed he wasn't looking at me or Jack. Steven had his eyes closed and was praying for me.

I don't want to go into much detail of my postpartum. It was pretty bad, but the beauty of my birth experience overrides it. All I know is I was severely hemorrhaging. They had to reach up and remove a few blood clots (which was more painful then any part of the birth itself), manually try to clamp down my uterus, and insert a catheter to see if a full bladder was the issue. I was oblivious to the severity of my situation though and simply kept staring at my beautiful baby boy.

Finally, my bleeding did subside. They made me a protein shake and told me I needed to keep eating. I was severely dehydrated and had low blood sugar, I was shaking from head to toe, and for the first time I looked around me and noticed the blood covering my legs, feet, abdomen. I held my baby and cried thinking how blessed I was and how perfect he is. Then I asked Steven if I could have a turkey sub.   :)

The midwives kept me at the birth center for about 5 hours for monitoring. My bleeding continued to subside and my color and energy started to return. At 5pm they said we could go home. We packed up and heading out with our little guy knowing our lives would never be the same. On the car ride home I stared at Jack, marveling over his blonde hair just like his daddy's and his cute button nose. I couldn't believe they were letting this perfect little being come home with us! 

Today Jack is one week old. Time is flying and, I must admit, I hate that! I already am in tears over the fact that I can do nothing to stop him from growing up. Every time I hold him in his arms and feel him snuggle in tightly against my chest, I can't help but pray and thank God for our little miracle. Thank God for the honor He's bestowed on me to raise him. Thank God for my life, for my husband, for my health, for my son.

Jack Ryan

Jack | God is Gracious  

Ryan | Steven's older brother

7lbs, 15oz, 21in.

Jack decided to make his entrance into the world 2 weeks early. 

Born on February 12th at 12:51 after only 12 hours of labor. 

God truly is gracious and Steven and I are so in love.

The Important Things

Ya'll, I'm glad my stardom has blown over. Those things never last for long, which I am thankful for. I like life best when lived quietly on this blog. I'm not a fan of the attention I received thanks to the Huffinton Post, GMA, and Yahoo's uninformed articles. (Inside Edition actually called me on Friday for an interview. How crazy is that? I said thanks, but no thanks. People are too mean.) 

So instead of focusing on my wedding that was almost 2 years ago, I'd rather talk about the things that are important and relevant in my life right now. 

Like Herschel. Have you even seen a kitty sleeping any cuter than this? He's a darling when he's unconscious, but in his wakeful moments one must be careful. Ninja kitty loves to attack. He also loves to stare into your soul and the more you try to avoid his eye contact the less he blinks. It's a frightening experience. 

And Huck. Huckleberry is always important. I loved these pictures Steven sent me of his and Huck's walk on Saturday and Sunday. One day it was sunny and bright and the next snow covered! Both days Huck was king of the log.

Our nursery is complete. That's pretty darn important! I was feeling so overwhelmed and emotional this past week, but now our little guy's space is completely finished and all his clothes and blankets are washed, organized, and put away. I no longer feel so overwhelmed and I haven't cried in 2 whole days! (Where is my award?) Ahhhh. It feels good.

Lastly, I'm huge, which is also important. Baby and I are both healthy (and still growing).  I'm ready for him to come but I'm pretty certain he's setting up camp in there and plans on sticking around for a while longer. I've heard most first babies are usually a couple days late??

All in all, Steven and I had a pretty productive and relaxing weekend and I am beyond thankful for it. I'm thankful for my husband and our simple, sweet life together. I'm thankful for the little life growing inside of me. I'm thankful for my fur babies and the entertainment they provide. I'm thankful for chocolate chip cookies, mint ice cream, and the Walking Dead. But most of all I'm thankful to not be the subject of scrutiny on the internet by people who have nothing better to do than sit behind their computer monitor and say nasty things about people they don't even know.

And that's what is most important.

Also, who watched the Walking Dead last night and what did you think? I'm happy it's back and I'm happy that my husband didn't utter one word about the excessively large bowl of ice cream and 3 chocolate chips I ate while watching it....What?!? Stress makes me eat.

Lazy Day

This past week has been rough. I had a midwife appointment where I discovered I'm GBS positive. No big deal really, just another thing to worry about during labor I suppose, and although I feel confident our little guy will be safe it's still a bummer. My body also decided this week to become consumed with stress and anxiety, leaving me one emotional wreck. I agonized over all the decisions I have to make for this little guy, being his voice for him. It's a lot of pressure! I also had to train my maternity leave fill in this week. She is super sweet, smart, and organized, which I know will make me phasing out and her phasing in a much more smooth transition, but it was hard to stay focused and train her while feeling so emotional all week. And then all those comments on yesterday's articles didn't really help to lighten my spirits.

Plus, I'm tired. Man, am I tired.

So today I'm staying home and working. I'll try to nap and snuggle my fluffy ones between emails and phone calls. I hope to drink lots of hot cocoa and enjoy the light dusting of snow we got last night and the beauty it created this morning. I'll take a long bath and maybe read a fiction book rather than a baby one...

It's going to be a lazy day and I'm going to enjoy it. The stress, the worry, the decision making --those things can always wait till tomorrow.

Hope you have an amazing, relaxing Friday, friends!

36 Weeks

Wow! 36 weeks pregnant...feeling large and not so in charge. This baby determines whether or not I have a good day or a crazy uncomfortable, I-wanna-punch-everyone-who-talkes-to-me-in-the-face day! (Like how I'm already blaming everything on the kid?) :)

Baby: Baby is 36 weeks and the size of a honeydew. As this point, if he was born he could probably breathe on his own, his liver and kidneys are in full working order, and his circulation and immune systems are working properly, too. Unfortunately, baby is posterior (or sunny side up), meaning I may experience that lovely back labor I've heard so much about if he doesn't turn soon. He is head down though and that's the most important thing.

Weight: I'm up 36 lbs. I've officially surpassed the recommended weight gain for healthy mothers by 1 whole pound! This means I can stop trying to be good and just consume chocolate milkshakes and BLT's until I go into a food coma, right? Midwives never say anything about my weight and seem very unconcerned. My husband on the other hand was sweet enough to inform me that I'm almost to his high school weight. Thanks, Stevie.

Symptoms: I feel best when I'm at home being active. Even if that only means I'm standing up doing the dishes or putting away laundry. I am super uncomfortable at work. I feel restless sitting at my desk all day and my back aches to the point of putting me in tears. I brought in one of those huge exercising balls to sit on, and although I feel like a weirdo using it at work, my back pain has diminished remarkably! (Also, my midwife just informed me that the exercise ball would help turn my baby just by sitting in it versus my office chair...so crossing my fingers!) Other symptoms are still trouble sleeping and a little heartburn in the evenings. 

Sleep: The last 2 weeks were probably the worst when it came to sleeping. I wouldn't be surprised if I was averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night. But then last night something glorious happened! I slept for 10 hours. TEN HOURS! It was amazing. Yes, I still had to get up and go to the bathroom a lot but I had no trouble falling back asleep in between. I think I just hit that point of exhaustion where my body just had to completely shut down and rest. I feel great this morning! 

Cravings/Aversions:  I'm craving chocolate milkshakes and BLT sandwiches. Not necessarily together... although I wouldn't refuse that either. 

Body: Same as before. No stretch marks, no water retention, better skin than earlier in my pregnancy, and full hair. Nothing really to complain about other than my weight gain.

Random Thoughts: People love to tell me that I don't even look pregnant from behind but then I turn around and I look like a giant moose. Okay, so they leave out the giant moose part but I know what they're thinking. 

I'm beginning to actually feel prepared for our little guy's arrival! We basically have everything we need setup and ready to go. Last week I started making freezer meals and I plan on making one every week until baby shows up. That way Steven and I can spend more time bonding with baby those first 2 weeks and less time preparing meals. All I have left to do is put in baby's carseat, make a few more freezer meals, and begin washing his clothes :) YAY!!! I can't wait to meet you little, babe!

Making Room for Baby

It didn't take me long to discover that babies need a lot of "things," and those things take up a lot of space! With baby Turner's arrival now just a few short weeks away, I find myself constantly trying to make more room for him in our home, which already lacks good storage space. I've had to make a conscious effort to utilize every square inch of our home and that has meant a lot of rearranging, reorganizing, decluttering, and simplifying on both mine and Steven's part. 

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Rearrange | One of the first decisions Steven and I had to make was which room would be our little man's nursery. Our three bedrooms already all had their purpose --a master, a guest room, and an office. I didn't want to give up our guest room and force visitors to sleep on our couch or an air mattress on the living room floor, and Steven and I both need an office space since our jobs often require us to work from home. We finally decided the most practical thing to do was to relocate our office into the awkward nook we have in our master bedroom (which meant Steven disassembling the beautiful homemade desk he had originally made and starting from scratch). It was a lot of handwork, but we were able to take an unused space in our small home and give it a purpose; thus, turning our once office into a perfect nursery! (You can see the updated office here!)

Reorganize | Not going to lie, I thought I was a pretty organized individual... that is until I started clearing out the new nursery's closet to make room for baby's things. I had the most random things thrown into there like high school and college memorabilia, important paperwork like mortgage and tax information, and family photos and scrapbooks. It was a mess! I decided it was time to invest in organization. We bought storage bins, labels, and filers and slowly weeded through everything until it was properly labeled and put away in a new place. It was a slow process with a huge payoff. I was able to completely empty out the nursery closet and find a new, organized home for everything that was in there.

I also reorganized the kitchen cabinets and drawers and we bought a handy dandy organization system to go in our entry way that details important appointments and commitments for the week as well as holds our mail that needs to be addressed and is a convenient spot for Steven to place his keys (why do men always lose their keys?? Or is that just Steven). ;)

Declutter | To find a new home for everything in the old office closet it was necessary to get rid of many things. I went through old clothes, coats, and shoes and thrifted what I could while donating the rest. I also worked up the nerve to throw away some items that simply had no use or sentimental value to Steven and I.   

After that, I decided to declutter things that took up my time, energy, and attention on a daily basis. For me, this meant deleting old emails on my personal and work accounts and organizing subfolders for better time management. I also went through and unsubscribed from all those time wasters emailed to me day after day of things I don't really want or really can't afford. (And let me tell you, it feels so refreshing waking up to 20+ less unread emails in my inbox every morning! Unsubscribe, people!) Also, I deleted unnecessary apps on my iPhone and iPad that again were just time wasters. Those things have the ability to suck you in and before you know it you've wasted an hour of valuable time filling your mind with useless information. I want my spare time to be focused on my husband and son, not staring mindlessly into my iPhone screen.

Simplify | Steven and I decided to take things a step further by eliminating our credit cards. This simplifies our monthly payments and brings us some much needed sanity! We went from paying on 4 credit cards a month to just 1. We simply set monthly goals until we got all three credit cards paid off and cancelled. The final credit card we use like a debit, but holding on to it also provides a safety net if needed. For us, this simplifies the usual stressful monthly bill payments and gives us more money per month to use on baby needs.

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It definitely hasn't been easy, nor have the adjustments been "quick fixes," but I now feel as though we have successfully made room for baby in our lives. Not just in our physical home by freeing up space, but also mentally (by getting rid of those time wasters), and financially. It feels really, really good! 

Baby Turner, mommy and daddy are so excited for you to arrive!

How did you prepare for your first baby's arrival?

34 Weeks

6 more weeks to go!! 

Baby: Baby is 34 weeks and the size of a butternut squash. Basically at this point, baby's main concern is to put on more weight between now and his arrival. I'm pretty sure he's doing a good job at that because A) I look absolutely enormous compared to just two weeks ago and B) all 3 of my midwives have mentioned on different occasions that baby is big and quickly running out of room! Not going to lie, they're kind of frightening me that I'm harboring a 10 pounder in there...

Weight: I'm up 33 lbs, which means in the last month I've gained 8 lbs! I know most of it is baby and fluids but geez...that's a hard number to swallow. I've already gained more weight than my mother gained with any of her 3 pregnancies!

Symptoms: Where to begin... the uncomfortableness of the 3rd trimester has definitely caught up with me.  I have the hardest time sitting at my desk at work. My upper back begins to ache as well as the ribs on my right side. I feel almost instant relief when I get up and walk around but I don't have much opportunity to do so. I've also been struggling with heartburn in the evenings. My midwife gave me some natural Papaya and Pineapple Enzymes to combat it, so I'm hoping that will bring some relief. 

Sleep: Basically, I don't sleep anymore. At least not soundly. I fall asleep quite easily because my body aches and I really do feel so tired, but within an hour I'm up either because I'm uncomfortable and restless or because I need to use the bathroom. Either way, it sometimes takes me hours to fall back asleep. Just last night I was up from 1:25 until about 4am. It's absolutely miserable! I've never been one to function good on little amounts of sleep. It makes me want to go around punching people in the face. I've also been having the weirdest dreams... and even nightmares! Some are funny and deal with people I haven't seen or spoken to in ages. Others are extremely frightening and I've even woken up crying...most of the time it's because I've lost the baby --he was stillborn or maybe only lives a few moments in my arms. I've even had a dream he was a Cyclopes. -- I know that last one sounds silly but it was horrible. 

So even when I do get some sleep, it's not very restful.

Cravings/Aversions:  I'm struggling eating meat again like I was at the beginning of my pregnancy. I still make myself do it because I know it's good for me and baby. I've also been adding a huge handful of spinach to my protein shakes in the morning and they are surprisingly delicious! Right now it's my favorite go to breakfast. I use 8oz almond milk, 1 scope of raw nut butter, 1 scope protein powder (I use this brand) , 1/2 a banana, and a handful of spinach....yum!

Body: Pretty much the same minus a bigger belly ;) No stretch marks, full hair, and my skin seems to be clearing up a little bit. I have started to notice that the muscle tone in my arms from my hot yoga days is disappearing and I'm definitely looking forward to heading back for some yoga once the doc clears me!

Random Thoughts: We have a 3 day weekend this week and Steven and I hope to get a lot done in preparation for baby's arrival. I'm hoping we can get the nursery completely finished! There are only a few things here and there we have left to do so it shouldn't take much.

I also have my first baby shower this weekend and I simply can't wait! Showers are so much fun and I feel so blessed that others want to give to our little man :)

6 weeks left.....ahhhhh!

To read more pregnancy updates, go here!

32 Weeks

Hello, everyone! And happy Friday! I'm trying to get back into the swing of things over here since the holidays ended. I've been busy with work these last couple days organizing emails, clearing my desktop, and prioritizing tasks that need completed before I go on my maternity leave. I want to make sure my 3 month absence is as pain-free for my boss and myself as possible. Is this what it's like to be  "nesting" at work?

Anyway, I realized I haven't done a pregnancy update on the blog since I was 28 weeks! That was a month ago! Reason being there pretty much hasn't been any significant changes these past few weeks other than the fact that I look like a ginormous walrus more and more each day ;) But I thought an update for my own records and some of you curious mama's-to-be out there was needed. 

 32 weeks

30 weeks | 31 weeks | 32 weeks 

Baby: Baby is 32 weeks and the size of squash! He weighs just under 4 lbs and is anywhere between 15-17 in. long. My midwife confirmed he is now in the head down position but still has room to twist and do some flips in there. Hopefully, by week 34 he will be in the head down position to stay. This little guy is quiet the mover! Steven and I love to feel him kick! It surprises me how much energy our little babe can pack in a punch! He must be a strong boy ;) 

Weight: At my 30 week appointment I was up 25 lb, which I feel good about. We did not weigh me at my past appointment, but judging from the photos above I've definitely put on some more weight. It's amazing to see how much my belly has grown in just 2 weeks!

Symptoms: I'm just uncomfortable. The worst is sitting all day at work. The sitting position compresses my uterus, giving the baby less room to wiggle around so he usually chooses to hang out under my right rib. After a few hours of kicks in that area I feel a bit sore. Also, I'm carrying some excess fluid so my symphysis fundal height measurement reads a little bit high. The midwife said that too could be causing a lot of the pressure I feel under my ribs, but apparently, it's not enough fluid for them to have any concerns about me or the baby...just makes things a little more uncomfortable on my end. 

Sleep: This is the first week that sleep started to become difficult for me. I wake up often to use the bathroom or simply turn to my other side in bed. It takes me a long time to get comfortable again and fall asleep. Also, right before bed at night I've been feeling extremely restless. I either do some yoga exercises or some of the relaxation techniques I've learned from my Bradley classes to get the tension out of my muscles and help me sleep better. A warm bath before bed usually does the trick, too. 

Cravings/Aversions:  I can and will eat anything and everything around me, but a few things that have been particularly yummy to me lately are bananas, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and milk.  

Body: I find it pretty amazing that I've gained so much weight and have yet to see a stretch mark. But I've heard a lot of women say they didn't get any until the last week or so of their pregnancy, so I know I'm not in the clear yet. Also, I've been noticing that my hair is fuller and there is less shedding in the mornings while in the shower and blow drying my hair! I know the shedding will return after the baby is born but I'm enjoying the fullness for now. I'm still fighting a lot of breakouts. Apparently, the "pregnancy glow" just wasn't in the cards for me. 

Random Thoughts: I am in full blown nesting mode. Poor Steven...I have made him do so many small projects around the home lately I'm surprised he keeps coming back everyday after work. If I were him I'd probably just stay away ;) But he's been so good to me by knocking off projects here and there on his honey to-do list! He's a good egg. 

After tonight we'll be halfway through with our Bradley classes. They are still going really well and I do find the information in them super informative. I'll let you know after the labor if I think the 12 week course as a whole is actually worth it when it really counts though. Crossing my fingers it is!

Also, our nursery is almost complete and I can't wait to share it with you all! 

28 Weeks

"Momma, you're looking chunky. I suggest more walks and less treats."

Baby: Baby is 28 weeks and weighs about 1.5 - 2.5 lbs and is the size of an eggplant. He's starting to develop more fat and is working on his muscles --giving his momma lots of kicks and jabs to strengthen them! I find it pretty remarkable that babies born around this time have a high likelihood of survival. They are little fighters!  

Weight: I am massive! At my 28 week midwife appointment the scale showed a 23 lb weight gain. I'm happy with that though. So far, the weight gain is all in my belly (okay, and face...I now have chipmunk cheeks), but if things don't remain that way I promise you won't here complaints from me. Pregnant women gain weight! It's kinda necessary. And I'm refusing to allow myself to obsess over that number on the scale.  

Symptoms: I am still feeling really good and am so thankful the sickness is behind me! I have some lower back pain when I wake up in the mornings, but with movement and light stretching it quickly fades away. My little guy definitely favors my right side under my ribs, making sitting at my desk all day a little uncomfortable but still very manageable at this point. 

Sleep: Having a cold for two weeks really messed with my sleep. But now I'm feeling better and sleeping better through the night. I probably get up around 3 or 4 times to use the bathroom. TMI?

Cravings/Aversions:  Oh my word...food is awesome. I can't think of a food right now I don't like. I'm not experiences any strong cravings or aversions, just extreme hunger!

Body: No stretch marks yet. I'm trying to stay really hydrated and use lotions every night to delay their arrival. No Braxton Hicks contractions to report about either. I'm definitely not getting the luxurious hair and skin some pregnant women talk about. My hair is pretty much the same as always, but my skin has taken a severe hit. I know it's partly due to pregnancy hormones, but I think my diet is also a contributing factor. Not eating strictly Paleo anymore has caused breakouts and tiny red marks all over my body (which I think are broken blood vessels). I hope to make an appointment with my Naturopath soon to get her opinion on it. 

Random Thoughts: Bradley Classes are still going really well! I find them to be super informative without overloading new moms with too much info. I do wish they weren't a 12 week commitment. It would be nice if they could somehow squeeze the class into 6 weeks (but then I'd probably be complaining of information overload...go figure). 

I feel out of my bed the other night while reaching for my cell phone. It happened in slow motion and made my laugh so hard I was crying! I just have so much weight in the front now it's hard to stop its forward motion ;) 

To read more of my pregnancy updates go here!

26 Weeks

Baby: Baby is 26 weeks and the size of a head of lettuce! He weighs about 2 lbs. All 5 of his senses are fully developed and he now has eyelashes. So along with practicing his karate moves while I'm trying to sleep at night, he is also practicing opening and closing his eyes! 

Weight: At my last midwife appointment I was up 14 lbs. That was two weeks ago and I swear I'm at least an inch or two rounder than I was then. So I'd say I've gained another pound or two. The jeans I'm wearing above (which are awesome and can be found here) are my only pants I can wear without a belly band now. So I definitely see some maternity shopping happening in my future!  

Symptoms: I am one week away from the 3rd trimester and am just now experiencing the 2nd trimester bliss. You know, the feeling great all the time, energized, no nausea, beautiful hair and nails, etc. that pregnant women claim they begin to experience around week 12? Well, those pregnant women...I hate them. I was throwing up and nauseated every day until about week 22. Then I started experiencing lower back pain and horrible restless leg syndrome at night. It wasn't until week 24 that I began feeling myself again and experienced a resurgence of energy. Now, I really am feeling great (minus the cold...but I'll take congestion and a little cough any day over nausea and restless leg syndrome)! I hope this phase lasts long into the 3rd trimester...but from what I've been reading, that seems very unlikely. Soon the uncomfortable(ness) will begin and I'll again want to punch people in the face. Hey, maybe there is a silver lining to all this though? Maybe a rough pregnancy means an easy labor ;) A girl can dream!!

Sleep: These days, I fear for my life at night. Getting up every couple hours to go pee really isn't that big of a deal to me, but as I get bigger and my sense of equilibrium begins to deteriorate Huckleberry has become an issue. That dog changes sleeping spots at least a dozen times every night! I've tripped over him so often these last few weeks while trying to make my way to the restroom that I'm beginning to think I need to sleep with a flashlight beside my bed. But he's just so darn cute I pat him on the head and apologize every time. I love that golden butt head. 

Cravings/Aversions: I just love food and seem to have an unending appetite. I don't get full anymore, which goes against everything I've been reading. (i.e. "pregnant women need to eat 6 small meals a day because they don't have as much room and get full quickly..blah, blah, blah" or something like that). Yeah, that's not me. If you put a box of doughnut holes in front of me I'll eat the entire thing, in record time, and then ask for more. I don't get full. Ever. I don't stop eating. Ever. I blame it on not being able to eat basically anything the first 20 weeks, not my lack of self-control. Lord, help me as the holiday season approaches...

Body: I'm huge. Some days I think it's cute, other days I think it's disgusting. It's all worth it though every time I feel this little guy kick! Steven's great and makes me feel pretty even when I'm certain I am anything but. That guy sure does love me.

Random Thoughts: We took our first Bradley Method birthing class last week and I really enjoyed it! It was fun to meet with other first time parents who share my passion for holistic living and natural birth. I think they will be a great support system for us throughout the remainder of our pregnancy. 

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Seeing our little man's nursery come together is such an exciting feeling! We have been so blessed by my family on the east coast that we pretty much have all the big pieces now --crib, dresser, pack 'n play, mattress. I love just sitting in his nursery and running my hands over everything. It makes me feel more connected to him somehow. 

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I had a crazy realization last night that this time next year our little one will be 8 months old and celebrating his very first holiday season! How different things will be in just one short year!

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Are you guys getting sick of my pregnancy updates? Hang in there, we only have about 14 more weeks and then you'll have newborn baby pictures to get sick of! I know, the excitement can be overwhelming. ;) Hope you're having a great week!

Nursery Inspiration

Before I even knew I was pregnant I found myself scourging Pinterest from time to time in search of the perfect nursery. I soon realized I'm not a fan of themed nurseries. I'm not drawn to the Winnie the Pooh rooms nor nautical themes (not that they aren't cute, they simply aren't my taste!), but instead I found myself drawn to simple yet eclectic nurseries with novelty touches scattered throughout.  

For our little boy's room, we've decided on a gray and white color palette. I wanted to keep the space neutral and then add the cozier touches that bring some personality throughout.  Below are some of the items and accessories I hope to incorporate.

crib | baskets | deer head print | dresser | glider | bookshelves | alphabet blocks | handmade mobile

We are fortunate enough to have some of the larger pieces already (the Jenny Lind crib and Ikea dresser [which are HUGE $$ savers as well!]) and we already have a pretty good start on our little man's library! I look forward to searching for those smaller pieces though to really pull the space together!  

Who knew designing a space for someone else could be so much fun!? ;)

Being Real: My Hormonal, Pregnancy Stuggles

I've officially lost it. I realized last night that my pregnancy hormones have finally gotten the better of me when I found myself sitting on the floor in our baby boy's empty nursery crying inconsolably.

I'm not sure why I was crying. Maybe it was because while painting the nursery some of the paint sloppily ended up on the ceilings edges, or maybe it was because the holidays are approaching and I miss my family, or maybe it was because I know my very best friend in this world probably won't be able to meet my son until he's already a year old, but, more than likely, it was because I'm just tired, overwhelmed, anxious, and hormonal. Damn hormones.

This is definitely the hardest season of my life to date. I don't say that because things are going poorly. On the contrary, things are actually going really well. The baby and I are both healthy, my amazing family recently blessed us with a card shower to help me and Steven get the nursery underway --showering us with enough money to buy the crib, glider, and pack 'n play-- and I have an amazing husband by my side who has been so supportive and encouraging throughout my pregnancy. Yet things are also really, really tough for me right now...at least in my head and in my heart. That's where my struggle is. That's where my war is raging. 

I'm dealing with a lot of emotion, and until last night it had remained bottled up. I'm in a habit of doing that as I've explained to you once before. I thought it was something I was overcoming --laying the mask aside-- but obviously, it is still a struggle for me. 

I'm struggling with how quickly time is passing and how much is still left to be done, guilt that I have to return back to work after 12 weeks and jealousy towards those who get to stay home with their babies, and a surprisingly strong desire to protect my unborn child. A strong desire that I fear borders on selfishness. I've already decided that I want no one with me at the birthing center other than my husband. I don't even think I want anyone to visit me those first couple days at home... Is that normal? I don't want anyone to touch my baby, I don't want anyone to advise me on how to raise him unless I ask, and I don't want anyone to steal precious moments away from me those first 12 weeks of his life when he is able to have my undivided attention. I feel all this so strongly I find it frightening. Is this normal? Will these feelings change? Am I going to be one of those neurotic mothers everyone rolls their eyes at when her back is turned? 

I feel weighted down by these emotions.

But if I'm being transparent, I also know that there is hope. It's a heavy, hard time in my head and heart right now, but I know it's a short storm and I'll find myself on the other side in due time. But for today it is consuming. As I draw near to the Lord for comfort and direction I feel Him working on my heart and I pray He also works on the hearts of those around me --that they will be sensitive and understanding as I wade through the murky waters of motherhood for the first time, that they will give me space when I need it and respect my little family's privacy, and that they would bless us with continual prayer. It's hard to articulate what I'm going through (I've never experienced it before), but I think that maybe there is another mother out there who is going through or has already went through the same thing, and if so, I'd love to hear from you. But if not, I think for me this war is a spiritual one and by drawing near to Him I can overcome it --my fears can be assuaged and my heart lightened.  

"Come to Me, all you who are weary and weighed down with heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in spirit. Indeed, you will surely find rest in Me! My yoke is easy, and My burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30

"I have told you these things so that you would find comfort in Me. In this world, you will suffer; but be courageous, for I have overcome the world!" - John 16:33 

24 Weeks

6 months down, 3 more to go! I can't believe I'm already 24 weeks pregnant! 

I know I say this every week, but time is really flying by!!

Baby: Baby is 24 weeks and the size of a cantaloupe. He is beginning to look more and more human every week with his skin becoming less transparent and adding some chub to those little legs and tummy! His heart rate with each midwife appointment has been pretty consistently around 140 bpm. 

Weight: I've gained 14 lbs and am feeling large! I'm thankful to be out of the "is she pregnant or chubby?" phase, or I least I feel like I look very pregnant! Still haven't had to purchase any maternity clothes but I did wear a belly band for the first time the other day and I found it quite comfy.   

Symptoms: I feel great!! No nausea, I can eat what I like, I haven't gotten sick in the shower in almost 2 weeks, and car rides no longer make me ill! I'm guessing this is what most women experience their entire second trimester. It may have taken me about 10 weeks longer to get to this point, but I'm glad it's finally here and I hope it sticks around! My only complaint is some lower back pain. 

Sleep: Sleep has been a bit of a challenge. I have trouble turning from side to side and I still find myself waking up a lot in the middle of the night on my back (much to my frustration!), which I know is a no-no. Lower back pain is here to stay. I know it's not all pregnancy related due to an old gymnastics injury and I've dealt with it for years so it doesn't phase me much. 

Cravings/Aversions: I am thankful I'm not experiencing a lot of unhealthy cravings! I enjoy oatmeal with a banana in the morning and have been eating a lot of soup/salad combos for lunch. The weather is rainy and chilly here so I just want to eat hot meals that are comforting and filling. 

Body: Monday I noticed I'm beginning to get the dark line that runs down the abdomen (linea negra). It's faint, but I've heard it will continue to darken throughout my pregnancy and then fade after I've given birth. Other than that my belly is just getting rounder and rounder! No stretch marks yet and the breakouts I was experiencing the last couple weeks have subsided (for now). 

Random Thoughts: Baby is now a mover and a shaker and I love it so much! I'm definitely beginning to notice his waking and sleeping cycles. He is no longer breech, making it easier for me to feel his kicks and flips. He favors my right side and often kicks under my ribs over there making sitting at my desk all day a little uncomfortable. When it becomes to much too manage I get up and walk around the office a bit...I think the movement sways him to sleep because the kicking stops and I can get some work accomplished! ;) 

Also, this past weekend Steven and I were able to paint the nursery! We picked a light gray color called nimbus (okay, actually my mom picked it out. Thanks. Mom!) and it's perfect! Now the real fun begins...decorating!! 

Gender Reveal Cupcakes

When Steven and I found out we were having a boy we really didn't wait long to tell people. I called my mom and dad immediately following the appointment and by that weekend most of our friends and family knew. But I really, really, really wanted to do some sort of gender reveal!  So, being the mean, terrible person I am, I decided to make the other couples in our weekly Bible study wait to hear the news until I whipped up some gender reveal cupcakes. 

And OH.EM.GEE were these gooooood! They tasted just like Hostess cupcakes but a million times better if that's at all possible?! Needless to say, these heavenly cupcakes made up for the torturous wait we made our friends go through. 

Recipe from Pale Yellow blog. Makes 36 cupcakes.

Cupcakes

1 1/2 cups water
1 3/4 cups + 2 tablespoons sugar
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
6 ounces unsweetened chocolate
3 teaspoons vanilla
3 eggs
1 3/4 cups + 2 tablespoons flour
3 teaspoons baking soda
3 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt

1. Preheat the oven to 350 ˚F and line cupcake tins with papers.
2. In a small saucepan bring the water and the sugar to a boil.  Pour sugar/water into the bowl for your stand mixer and add the butter and chocolate.  Stir to melt and let cool slightly.  Stir in the vanilla.
3. Place the mixing bowl on the mixer and mix on low speed.  Add the eggs one at a time and beat to combine.  Scrape the bowl as needed.
4. Sift together the flour, soda, powder, and salt onto wax paper.  Add to the wet ingredients and mix until just combined.
5. Use a standard size ice cream scoop to portion the batter into the cupcake cups.
6. Bake for 15 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.
7. Let cool completely on a wire rack.

Filling
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
pinch of salt
3 teaspoons vanilla
4 1/2 tablespoons heavy cream
1 1/2 cups marshmallow creme
pink and/or blue gel food coloring

1. In the bowl of a stand mixer with a paddle attachment, beat the butter for two minutes.  Add in 1/2 cup of powdered sugar, 2 tablespoons cream, pinch of salt, and vanilla.  Beat on low speed to combine.
2. Add in the remaining 1 cup of powdered sugar and 2 1/2 tablespoons of creams in alternating increments on a slow speed.  Add in the marshmallow cream and beat on high until the mixture is well combined.
3. If the baby is a boy, color the filling blue, if the baby is a girl, color the filling pink.  If the mother is having twins of two genders, divide the filling into two different bowls and color one pink and one blue.
4. Add the marshmallow filling to a piping bag with an injection tip.  Poke each cupcake in the center and squeeze until the top of the cupcake begins to rise.
5. If there is a lot of filling poking out, scrape it off.

Ganache
9 ounces semisweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup heavy cream
1 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter
pinch of salt
3 teaspoons vanilla

1. Place the chocolate chips in a heatproof bowl.
2. Bring the cream, butter, and salt to a simmer in a small saucepan.  Add the hot cream to the chocolate and leave the mixture alone for 5 minutes.
3. Whisk the chocolate and the cream together and set aside to cool.  Stir every ten or so minutes to keep the ganache from setting.
4. Spoon about 2 teaspoons of ganache on top of each filled cupcake and use the back of the spoon to smooth the ganache.

Piped Topping
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/2 tablespoons heavy cream
2 cups powdered sugar
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
pinch of salt

1. Add all the ingredients to the bowl of a stand mixer and beat with a paddle attachment on low until well combined.  Turn up the speed and beat for 1 minutes, scrape the bowl as needed.
2. If the mixture seems too thick, add some more cream.
3. Add the piping frosting to a piping bag with a number 2 tip.

The piped topping was the most difficult part for me. It was super challenging to get the consistency right and mine ended up being a little runny (too much heavy cream). Other than that, this recipe is pretty easy to follow and makes the cutest (and most tasty) gender reveal!

Oh, and we had chocolate ganache left over for days that we used to drizzle over some vanilla ice cream. Yum.