After All, It Was Only Just A Dream...

Oh goodness, how I love my furbabies. They have nothing to do with this post. They're just cute.

I know that yesterday I briefly mentioned my weird waitressing dreams that I used to get all the time. They were horrible. Simply everything that could go wrong while serving would go wrong --spilling coffee and food on the customers, forgetting to put in a tables order, food coming out cold, customer's being rude and angry, etc. I would wake up feeling so frazzled and anxious, and then I'd get upset with myself for letting a silly dream get to me so much! Because, after all, it was only just a dream.

But it's not just my waitressing dreams that I allow to get to me. Pretty much every morning I remember my dreams from the night before, and oddly enough, I remember them vividly. And sometimes one of those dreams will simply gnaw at me for days and days. 

Last night I had that sort of dream. An old friend of mine who I used to care about very much drew me a picture and gave it to me. It was simply a drawing of an oversized ying yang. He was so upset when he handed it to me. I wondered why he was sad and why he was giving this symbol of balance to me. Was he sad because of something I had done? Or because of his own circumstances? My heart broke as we both began to cry.

I then tried to get to my best friend's home. The home she grew up in and where we used to spend hours playing together as kids, but I kept getting lost. I simply couldn't find my way even though I've been to her home a million times before. I was so heartbroken. I felt like my world was falling apart. I needed to get to my best friend's home. I needed to talk to her about the ying yang and the sad boy and the tears we cried together. 

Then I woke up. 

For some reason, I cannot shake this dream. I know that it probably all means nothing (and sounds extremely silly to anyone reading this), but it left me with an empty feeling in my stomach and an aching in my chest. 

I think some part of me wants to believe dreams carry some sort of significance. I grew up hearing stories about how my uncle dreamed he saw his grandfather in heaven shortly after he died. Grandpa was doing what he loved most in life --fishing. The most memorable part of his dream was that my grandfather, who was missing a finger or two (yes, I'm serious), had all his fingers.... 

I believe that dream brought  comfort to my uncle, and that story has simply always stuck with me. Maybe that's why I seem to search for meaning within the seemingly random collection of thoughts, images, dialogues, and emotions that pass through my mind at night. Maybe I want to find comfort, peace, or understanding within these dreams. Maybe I'm simply searching for something to make out of nothing. 

Anyways, I'm not sure where I was even going with this post! I just needed to write this all down to feel better, I suppose. Thank you for bearing with me if you made it all the way to the end!! My lovely readers, you guys have that cozy spot in my heart right under my fur babies ;) 

So what do you think? Do dreams carry significance or are they simply just dreams? 

My 17 Year Old Self

Like most high school yearbooks, each member in my graduating class of 2007 was instructed to pick a quote that would stand beneath his or her senior portrait. Oftentimes, boys pick something ridiculous like Billy Madison's famous line "You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants." (Actually, I am pretty sure I saw that quote beside my husbands graduation picture in his yearbook. Go figure.) But for most graduating girls, we take this task very seriously, as if those words spoken by some dead author,  poet, evangelical, politician, etc. were spoken just for us, at this particular moment in our life, and will somehow unveil our destinies.

We pour over quotes, stressing over each syllable, sweating over each punctuation mark, nauseating over every pause until, at last, we find the perfect fit. Something clicks. We feel a connection. We have discovered our lives purpose. Angels are singing, bells are ringing, yadda, yadda, yadda...

Beneath my 17 year old selves graduating portrait lies this quote credited to Mark Twain,

                           "Twenty years from now you will be disappointed by the things you 

didn't do than by the one's you did. Explore. Dream. Discover." 

While looking through pictures from this past weekend with my parents I thought of this quote and couldn't help but laugh aloud at the 17 year old version of me. I altered the above quote before submitting it to the yearbook staff. The quote in it's entirety reads, "Twenty years from now you will be disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the one's you did. So throw off the bowliness. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Do you see what I did? I omitted the risk. The man who penned this quote (whom I discovered years later is indeed not Mark Twain but a modern day author named H. Jackson Brown Jr.) was implying more risk than I was willing to take. His words spoke to me, but I wanted to live a pretty life with no regrets. One where pain and tough decision never occurred. I wanted to explore, dream, and discover all that this life had in store for me without "sail[ing] away from the safe harbor." 

What the 17 year old version of me didn't understand is that you can't live life with no risk and be happy. With the risk comes heartache, tears, and sometimes suffering --but, more importantly, with the risk comes joy. A joy in knowing that you made it, that you took the necessary steps to bettering your life, that you had the faith, the courage, and the ability to leave your safe harbor and cast the winds in your sails.

Moving away from all I even known and all I ever loved was a risk. I feel the pain every time I give a loved one a hug knowing that I won't see them for another six months. I feel the heartache when I hang up the phone after a conversation with my best friend, wondering when I'll be able to talk to her face to face again. I feel the despair when nostalgia sets in for the holidays and I long for the comforts of home.

Oh, but I feel deep joy and contentment when I wake up next to the one I love! I feel overwhelming gratitude when I look around at the lovely home I live in surrounded by these tall, mossy Pacific Northwest trees. I feel satisfaction in knowing that I was brave enough to leave my safe harbor. And I feel blessed that the Lord has such great plans for me.

The risk is scary, but the reward is worth it.

Tour De Casa

First off, let me say that I am embarrassed by the quality of these photos. I wanted to take pictures of our home before the mess of boxes and disorganization took over! But darnit, I was too excited to get moved in so these pictures were taken in haste. I apologize. 

Anyways, enough with the pleasantries. Welcome to our home!

Front entry way. There is a storage closet immediately to the left. You can see the hallway past that which leads to the two guest bedrooms and guest bath.

Immediately to the right of the entry way is our kitchen.

 Oh, pantry, you have been greatly missed. 

The kitchen flows into the living room.

 French doors take you out to the back deck. The large brick fire place to the right is one of my favorite features!

 And then the ceilings...LOVE. THEM. We have the same exact wood, vaulted ceilings in our master bedroom.

To the far left of the living room is another hallway that leads to the master bedroom. Also in that hallway is our laundry room. I decided not to take photos of the bedrooms/bathrooms just yet because the lighting was so terrible. Soon though, my friends! 

And here is our three stall garage..aka Huckleberry's new dog house while I'm at work. It has 3 skylights and windows all along the back and sides. The upstairs is going to be converted into Steven's "man cave" in time. I think it makes sense that the dog and the hubby share a play room ;) {Men and dogs just have so much in common, you know?}

Our to-do list is already a mile long but we are so excited to start this new chapter in our lives! I simply cannot wait till we are married and living here together. {There are a lot of spiders crawling about that I need Steven around to kill.} 

Priorities, people. Priorities.