A Secret Garden

I didn't think we had any flowers in our garden, just weeds. I was planning on weeding the entire area, simply pulling everything up, not knowing someone had taking the time to plant seed before me. We get so busy we don't really look at the world around us --or examine with more interest the "weeds" in our own front yard. But, even without a helping hand, these flowers bloomed. Sad...I didn't think to look more closely until they were beautifully blossomed. But that's in our nature right? We only stoop to smell the beautiful, thriving flowers. Heaven forbid we ever stoop to give the struggling ones a helping hand. If something doesn't catch our eye, we are apt to consider it a weed, and ignore it or pull it from it's roots. 

Thankfully, some flowers, even those who have been cast off and ignored, still thrive. Just think of the beauty we'd be missing out on if they didn't exist. 

Funny how the Lord can use a few, simple flowers amongst a cluster of weeds to convict my heart. 

Thank you, Lord. I needed that reminder to love others today.

On Planning A Wedding...Or Not

(Before your eyes travel any further down this page, know that this is a rant. You've been warned Read on at your own discretion.)

I know I haven't blogged about how my wedding plans are coming along in a while, and that's because, well...they aren't really coming along. I was excited about being engaged for about two weeks or so, and then family drama erupted and the post-engagement joys were squeezed right out of me. Every. Last. Drop. Honestly, when I sit down and try to accomplish anything concerning the wedding, I instantly feel overwhelmed. 

I'll tell you what I enjoy in life. 

I enjoy that first morning cup of coffee, the way the ducks glide seamlessly upon the lake, and my puppy's breathe warming my cheeks. I enjoy the flutter in my stomach when I know I'm about to see Steven and hearing him laugh. I love his deep, hearty laugh. I enjoy the sun on my face and sand beneath my feet. I enjoy good, intellectual conversation and the friends I encounter within the worn pages of reread books. I enjoy many simple things that I take for granted far too often. 

I'll tell you one thing that I do NOT enjoy. 

Pleasing people simply for the sake of pleasing people. No compromise. No argument that allows pent up emotions to escape. No rational explanation as to why things are how they are. Just pleasing people because they believe that it is your duty in life to make them happy.   

And truthfully, that's what I feel like my wedding planning process has become. I do not enjoy it; therefore, I avoid it. I know, not a very good coping mechanism. 

I'm just tried of people saying things like "It's your day! Just have fun with it. It's all about you!" Well, truthfully, it's not.

Maybe this is just emotionally draining on me because my family and friends aren't here to come to my rescue. I miss my girlfriends. A lot. I wish they could have been with me when I tried on wedding dresses and picked out my venue. Steven's been great, but let's face it --dudes are clueless when it comes to wedding planning. He just doesn't understand my anxiety surrounding the whole affair. 

So, today I'm simply going to enjoy this morning cup of joe and the feel of the keys underneath my fingertips. I'm going to work on perfecting sentences and formatting proposals. I'm going to forget my planning worries and think of the Oxford comma, the sun on my face, and the warmth of my puppy's breathe upon my cheek.

Tomorrow --I'll plan my wedding.