Weekend Recap + 18 Week Bump Pictures

We had one rainy, stormy weekend. The kind that calls for reruns of your favorite TV shows, long naps, and baking. Lots of baking.  

Steven had to work late Friday night so I got home feeling pretty bummed, preparing myself for a boring Friday evening alone, but then I found a cute little package on my doorstep from my sweet friend, Jen, and well, my mood changed quite considerably. It's amazing how simply knowing that someone else is thinking about you can uplift your spirits and change the gloomy outlook that was shading your eyes just moments before! So thank you, Jen! Your thoughtful gifts could not have come at a better time! 

With a renewed look at the alone time ahead of me, I decided to bake some yummy pumpkin chocolate chip bread, dive into a new book, and take a much needed bubble bath! It was a pretty perfect Friday night.

The rest of the weekend consisted of stuffing my face with the above mentioned bread, watching lots of football, and tackling some home improvement projects. I actually painted so much yesterday that I woke up to a pretty sore arm this morning. Who knew painting could be such a workout!? I hope to finish and share the house projects later in the week. ;)

But no weekend is complete without cuddles from this cute little man. His favorite pastime this time of year is running outside in the rain and then coming in soaking wet and demanding cuddles. And I mean, really, how could anyone resist this face?

I'm sorry I was such a slacker last week and didn't post a week 18 pregnancy update! There really haven't been many changes though. With each new day I am feeling better and better. My nausea doesn't last as long nor is it as intense as it was the first 16 weeks of my pregnancy. I am eating better, drinking lots of water, and (overall) feeling really good! 

With Steven's crazy schedule these last few weeks we didn't even find the time to snap our normal pregnancy update photo, so these cell pics will have to do.

I hope everyone else had a great weekend!

p.s. did anyone watch the Breaking Bad finale?? 

OH.EM.GEE.

Brave Face

via

There are a couple things I've mastered in this life: the not-too-annoying-but-just-whiny-enough voice that makes Steven get off the couch to get me a glass of water every time, the art of making a bed using hospital corners just how my grandma taught me, how to put my contacts in without losing an eye, and the brave face. I've really mastered the brave face. I use it almost daily to conceal negative emotion, to shield me from bad news, to lessen the pain of brutal blows. But lately, I reach for that mask first thing in the morning and refuse to discard it until late at night when the lights go down and I can allow the awfulness that's been festering in my mind all day to flood me, washing over every inch of my body and soul. I seem to never give my brave face a rest. 

"I'm nervous," Steven confided to me last night...and even then I held on tightly to the brave face. But the truth is I'm nervous, too. I'm nervous that the doctor's appointment I have today may bear bad news, I'm nervous that I lack those maternal instincts they say surface when you hold your baby in your arms for the very first time, I'm nervous I may have to leave my baby to go back to work after 3 months, and I'm nervous about how the world will respond to that even though they don't know the half of our circumstance. I'm very nervous, and feeling anything but brave. 

I'm also exhausted. It's tiring to keep the brave face firmly in place. I want so desperately to set it aside and feel even the most painful of blows. But that takes bravery, and bravery is something I have yet to master. 

I'm working on it. I'm working on discarding my brave face for good and really being brave. To put my trust in the Lord and confine my fears to those who I know love me. To not hide behind this mask anymore because, at it's core, it is dishonest. I don't have it all together despite what I convey here on this blog and in my other day to day interactions. I really don't. Most days I am more terrified about my impending role as a mother than excited. And oftentimes, I am ashamed of that and feel broken.  

But I think I've realized that it's okay to not always have it all together, it's okay to let down your mask and allow others to see your struggles, and it's even okay to ask for a helping hand, a note of encouragement, or a heartfelt prayer. It's okay. What's not okay is allowing the brave face to be your everyday wear. It will eventually begin to crack like all shields eventually do. 

So today, instead of wearing the brave face I've cultivated and mastered these last 25 years, I'm going to lay it down and practice really being brave. And I think that begins with admitting to you that I'm nervous.  

My (Revised) Eating Habits: Pregnancy Edition

Hello! Two good things have happened since the last time I blogged. 1) I survived a crazy work week (and should be rewarded with gifts) and 2) I regained my appetite. Due to how sick I've been feeling since I discovered I was pregnant, I pretty much tossed my yeast free / Paleo way of eating out the window. Unfortunately, I was only able to keep down foods that were definitely not Paleo, but I figured some nutrients were better than none at all and took my eating cues from my body. I was repulsed by any kind of meat, eggs, and most veggies (and water)! Which is basically all you eat when you follow a Paleo lifestyle! Needless to say, it was frustrating. 

But this weekend I really felt like I regained my appetite, and things that sounded repulsive before actually sounded tasty!

I was able to eat eggs, bacon, salmon, and even steamed broccoli! And although I'm not 100% back to how I had been eating the 6 months prior to my pregnancy, I feel like I'm slowly making my way back.

For now, potatoes and rice really calm my stomach if I'd had a particularly nauseous day, so I allow myself to eat that anytime I'm feeling ill. And sometimes, red meat still makes my stomach roll. So if I'm not feeling it, I steer clear! 

I know nutrition is so important, especially when you're pregnant, but I feel that for now the most important thing is to listen to my body. I've simply been rolling with the punches when it comes to my pregnancy, and although that often means using non-gluten free rice in a stir fry rather than my substitute cauliflower "rice," or heck, just opting for a bowl of Cheerios for dinner the third night in a row, I'm eating what I can keep down! 

Paleo Chocolate Chip Cookies

It has been challenging for me to let go of my rigid eating guidelines (I think that again this points to my extreme type A tendencies), but it feels good to eat a full meal and not throw up! And it feels even better to have some energy! Throwing up is already exhausting for your body, but throwing up when you hardly have any nutrients to begin with inside of you is just depleting. 

So hello to my regained appetite and finding my way back to healthy eating and hello to accepting that sometimes the best thing to eat is whatever stays down. And an even bigger hello to accepting that fact rather than beating yourself up over it. Hello!

17 Weeks

Almost forgot the pregnancy update this week! I made Steven snap a photo of me right after I ate dinner last night. I think I look a little larger in this photo than I usually do (I did just scarf down three pieces of pizza), but this was definitely the first week that I felt like I actually look pregnant! Everyday the reality of that sets in a little more. 

Thankfully though, I am still able to wear all my regular clothes. I'm trying to hold out as long as possible before I open my wallet to dish out on maternity wear. Maternity clothes shopping just does not sound enjoyable at all!  

Baby: Baby is 17 weeks and the size of an onion! Fun fact: baby is now starting to beef up and put on that baby fat that makes them so cute!

Weight: I haven't weighed myself since my last midwife appointment. But I'd guess I'm still right around a 4-5 lb weight gain. 

Symptoms: I have been experiencing bad enough nausea to cause me to throw up 1 or 2 times a week, but I'll take it! Beats throwing up 3+ times a day like I was doing! I am starting to feel better much earlier in the day then I was before. Now, around 12-1ish I feel pretty good. Still feel a lot of fatigue. I'm not sure how much of it is pregnancy related compared to how much of it is contributed to work. We are nearing the end of busy season over here and I'm doing my best to keep up physically and mentally. 

Sleep: Last night I went to bed at 8:30! I feel absolutely wiped out by the end of the day and am enjoying sleep immensely! I am at the point where I have to sleep on my side instead of my back, which I'm not a big fan of. I wake up in the mornings with a sore back! I think you just use different muscles when sleeping on your side? Not sure. But hopefully I get used to it soon so it doesn't become a constant issue. 

Cravings/Aversions: I feel like my cravings and aversions have calmed down quite a bit! This past week there wasn't anything I was dying to eat. I still like my tuna fish and I really enjoy spicy food...

Workouts: Some yoga stretches at night before I go to bed. I started doing it in hopes that it would take care of my restless leg syndrome issues at night. So far it seems to be working! Other than that I really don't have the energy for much exercise and I'm just taking cues from my body. I think after busy season, when I'm not so mentally fried, I'll have more energy to incorporate physically activity into my day. 

Random Thoughts: Not only was this the first week I actually felt like I looked pregnant, but this was also the first week I felt baby kick!!! Such a cool feeling! It literally feels like someone is lightly flicking the inside of my tummy or like bubbles are popping in there. So surreal! The movements still aren't strong enough for Steven to feel, but I hope he will be able to soon :)

For the Love of Huck (once again)

Huckleberry gave me quite the scare the other day! He was asleep on the kitchen floor when I called him to come over to me. He quickly stood up and then collapsed. He tried to get up a second time but collapsed again. It was the weirdest thing and scared me to death!

Then a bunch of other things happened, which involved intense internet searching on my part that led to me believing Huck had lyme disease and was going to die... 

Well, one vet visit and $300 later the vet confirmed what Steven's been trying to tell me for months. Huck is fine. I am crazy.  But goodness gracious I just love this fur butt so darn much! 

doctor appointments are exhausting

Huck did however have a small abscessed from a tick I removed a few weeks ago. No biggie though. He's on antibiotics, which he thinks are treats, so he's a happy camper.