5.11.2014

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day out there to all you mommas! 
Especially my lovely mom. I love you and wish we could spend the day together! 
And thank you Jack for making me a momma. You are my pride and joy and I feel so honored to be chosen to raise you. I love you, little man.
 Jack is way more interested in Huckleberry than the camera! Check those chubby cheeks!
Today is a pretty bittersweet day for me. It's an amazing feeling to be celebrating mother's day for the first time with my little family, but today also marks my last day of maternity leave. Tomorrow I have to start working again and my heart aches at the thought of it. I'm one of the lucky ones. I have an amazing and understanding boss who is allowing me to work from home, part-time for the next 5 weeks until my mother gets here to babysit Jack for a month. After that month, Jack will be going to a good friend of mine's for daycare. 

Even though I'll still be with him everyday, all day for the time being, (I'll only be working 8-12 from home while the lady who has been taking over for me during my leave is staying on to take the afternoon shift), I still can't help but feel as though my world is spinning out of control. I hate the thought of having to split my energy and time between him and work. And worse yet, I feel like everyday is a countdown to June 16th-- when I'll be heading back to work full-time. Steven and I have cut our budget, downsized, and re-prioritized and reconsolidated debts but there is just no way around it. We can't keep this roof over our head on one income. 

I've went through many emotionally phases these last 3 months. I've cried myself to hysterics, I've been angry and jealous at each and every stay at home mom, and I've felt immense guilt over the thought of leaving little Jack only to spend my days behind a desk. I know I'm going to struggling finding joy and fulfillment in my job outside the home, which is sad. I once really, really loved my job. 

I really don't understand God's timing with all of this, but I trust that He has a plan giving us Jack a few years earlier than we were financially prepared for. And I know that through this I will have to rely on Him for strength emotionally. Jack will adapt to time away from his momma just fine, it's my heart that's going to go through the ringer. 

I'm blessed to have a great boss, a mom willing to fly across the country and be with her grand boy for a month while I adjust to the separation, and an amazing friend who is like-minded and will be the best secondary primary caregiver I could have asked for for Jack. I truly am blessed, yet I still couldn't find the strength to get through this post without tears. I'm kinda an emotional wreck. 

Thanks for letting me vent and put a damper on this Mother's Day. And thanks for returning to this neglected space day after day. I'd appreciate prayers as I navigate through this adjustment. I really just want to be the best mommy I can be to my little man.

So happy Mother's Day to all you mommas. Working moms, stay at home moms, empty nesters, and each and everyone in between. I hope your day is filled with love.

10 comments:

Melissa Smith said...

It's so hard being a working mother, but you will find peace with it I promise. Time makes it easier

Krystal R. said...

If it makes you feel any better, I am not yet a mum but I am the daughter of a mother who worked. She was a teacher then a Principal. I don't ever remember a time when she wasn't there! All I know is my ever present mother who loves me unconditionally! By your very sweet words its clear that that's all Jack will remember also :) Maybe in a few years you'll get to live your dream but don't feel guilty. You're doing a great Job! Happy Mother's Day!

Natalie | Mrs. Janney | said...

As a fellow working mom, I can relate to EVERYTHING you said. It is so HARD!!! I constantly find myself jealous of stay at home moms. But you'll get through it and Jack will be great. There are even some upsides to daycare (even though it might not feel like it right now). It's ok to cry. My first day back, every time someone asked me how I was doing, I burst into tears. It's ok and totally normal. You're doing great and Jack will be totally fine. :)

Happy Mother's Day!

Namrata said...

Your baby is so so cute..I was away from blogging for some reason and couldn't keep a tab. Happy to know that your delivery ended nicely and now you are a proud mother.

Happy mother's day, new mother. Don't worry. Everything will fall into place with time.

Namrata said...

Your baby is so so cute..I was away from blogging for some reason and couldn't keep a tab. Happy to know that your delivery ended nicely and now you are a proud mother.

Happy mother's day, new mother. Don't worry. Everything will fall into place with time.

Angie said...

Hope you had a nice Mother's Day
You will be in my prayers as you and Jack make this transition.

Cara said...

Loved this post, Danielle. I'm glad you had a great Mother's Day! I can't even imagine how hard it is to have to go back to work, but there will certainly be a silver lining. Perhaps the balance of being super woman with a career and a family, or maybe just even getting to talk to some adults for a little while during the day :) Either way, I hope the transition is easy on you. Love these pictures!

absolutelybositively said...

Firstly - sending up prayers for you and baby and family as you go through this difficult transition! Praying God showers you all with blessings and peace.

Secondly - your baby has the cutest cheeks I've ever seen. And hair too, I think. Well done, Mom and Dad. :)

Thirdly - Huckleberry is still so stinkin' precious. Love these pictures of all of you!

Holly said...

Happy (belated) Mother's Day! I've been thinking of you this week, I hope your transition back into working is going well! I was a working mom for two years and now I'm a work from home mom ... both have their challenges! When we had to put Topher in childcare we felt like there was a reason - maybe someone else needed to experience Topher's sunshiny personality? Love the pics :)

tiff@thecoffeehouse said...

Oh man, this got me all teary eyed Danielle! Beautiful writing. First, Jack is an absolute doll. Almost as cute as Huckleberry. ;) Second, can I just say I am SO PROUD of you for sticking with nursing and for co-sleeping. We don't co-sleep but I think it's awesome when people do. I loved reading all your little updates thus far! Jack is so very lucky to have you for a mama. I can tell you're doing an amazing job. xoxo