I'm feeling vulnerable. Maybe it's because I'm tired or maybe it's because it's so late at night and I'm used to blogging with a pipping hot cup of coffee in the glorious AM... Either way, my vulnerability is making me feel like I need to be transparent. So here we go.
I am no Super-Mom. Not even close. And the worst part about it is I honestly thought I could be.
I see my mommy friends on Facebook or on their blogs and I think to myself, "how the hell do they do it? How do they seem so together?" Because I, for one, am not "together." And if I'm being really pain-strickenly honest, the last few weeks I've been too ashamed to admit that. Too ashamed to get on here and say that I have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding (and it's mostly hate), that I've struggled through 3 bouts of mastitis and 2 clogged ducts, that I've called my husband crying while he's at work and begged him to come home because my fever had risen to 103 degrees and I can no longer care for our child on my own, that I co-slept with my son for the first 6 weeks of his life (and still do most nights), that I hold him in my arms the entire time he naps because I haven't figured out how to put him down and keep him asleep, that I've obsessed over baby poop, diaper rash, and spit up, that I am tired, worn out, stressed, and in great need of a shower.
This mommy business is so much harder than I ever thought it could be and I certainly do not have it all figured out. And deep down I know that's okay and I know I shouldn't be ashamed to admit it, but it's difficult nonetheless. But maybe, just maybe, there are other moms out there who feel this way, too. And maybe me sharing my fears can bring some encouragement to them.
So yeah... you've seen very little of me on this blog as of late and I'm afraid that will continue. As I go through this journey of motherhood the one thing that I've readily learned is that time flies and Jack is growing up far too quickly. It is so important that I keep my priorities straight during this time. My family comes first and the cleaning, errand running, and pretending like I have it all together on my blog can definitely wait.
I am no super-mom, and I'm pretty sure I never will be, but goodness, I love this little boy!
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
- Ruth Hamilton