4.06.2014

I'm No Super-Mom

It took an hour and and half, but I finally got Jack down for the night. I feel like I need some scotch tape to keep my eyelids open at this point but I thought it was important to let my reader's know I am still alive and kicking, albeit a little more worse for the wear...but last time I checked I still had a pulse.

I'm feeling vulnerable. Maybe it's because I'm tired or maybe it's because it's so late at night and I'm used to blogging with a pipping hot cup of coffee in the glorious AM... Either way, my vulnerability is making me feel like I need to be transparent. So here we go.

I am no Super-Mom. Not even close.  And the worst part about it is I honestly thought I could be.

I see my mommy friends on Facebook or on their blogs and I think to myself, "how the hell do they do it? How do they seem so together?" Because I, for one, am not "together." And if I'm being really pain-strickenly honest, the last few weeks I've been too ashamed to admit that. Too ashamed to get on here and say that I have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding (and it's mostly hate), that I've struggled through 3 bouts of mastitis and 2 clogged ducts, that I've called my husband crying while he's at work and begged him to come home because my fever had risen to 103 degrees and I can no longer care for our child on my own, that I co-slept with my son for the first 6 weeks of his life (and still do most nights), that I hold him in my arms the entire time he naps because I haven't figured out how to put him down and keep him asleep, that I've obsessed over baby poop, diaper rash, and spit up, that I am tired, worn out, stressed, and in great need of a shower.

This mommy business is so much harder than I ever thought it could be and I certainly do not have it all figured out. And deep down I know that's okay and I know I shouldn't be ashamed to admit it, but it's difficult nonetheless. But maybe, just maybe, there are other moms out there who feel this way, too. And maybe me sharing my fears can bring some encouragement to them.

So yeah... you've seen very little of me on this blog as of late and I'm afraid that will continue. As I go through this journey of motherhood the one thing that I've readily learned is that time flies and Jack is growing up far too quickly. It is so important that I keep my priorities straight during this time. My family comes first and the cleaning, errand running, and pretending like I have it all together on my blog can definitely wait.

I am no super-mom, and I'm pretty sure I never will be, but goodness, I love this little boy!
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
 - Ruth Hamilton

19 comments:

Eloquent Obi said...

beautiful! all worth it in the end. good job mom! yea, the other stuff can wait.

Kasi said...

I think it's lovely that you are so focused on being there for your baby every step of the way. That makes you a great mom, and that's more important than being a super - mom!

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Kate H. said...

You keep right on with doing what you are doing! It sounds as though that little boy of yours is being given so much love!! =) That is the most important thing you could be doing!

Curly Girl Confessions said...

Honey- Our P is almost 16 weeks and we still struggle to have it together! Parenting is the HARDEST thing we will ever do in our lifetime. Give yourself a little grace and know that the people who seem to have it together most likely struggle with something in their life...not one life is perfect whether it seems that way or not!

Holly said...

Thanks for the honesty of this post! I felt like I had to have it all together after I had Topher - every other mother I knew seemed to be able to look perfect and get everything done, all while having adorable babies who slept through the night from birth - so why couldn't I do the same? HA HA. It took me awhile to clue in to the fact that most people only post the "pretty" pictures and good statuses on FB and that everybody struggles - whether they want to share that or not. Give yourself grace :)

And by the way, I think Jack is the third most adorable baby I have ever seen (after my own two, of course!)

From Foothills to Fog said...

He's just so precious! If you ask me, you are a super mom because you love that baby boy so much, and that is most important! Blogs and cleaning can wait. I hope you've seen the last of mastitis, I've heard it's just awful. I love that poem you ended with, couldn't be more true.

Kelly said...

Soak it up...it goes by so fast! You are doing a great job and this is a beautiful post. It is ok that he will only nap on you....enjoy it! He wants to be near his mama....watch a movie, read, relax. He will nap in his crib when he is older. I am so sorry that your had mastitis and plugged ducts. Just a reminder to make sure your bra is not the cause...city should not be too tight or cut in anywhere. Drink lots of water and don overdo it...slow downand.rest.

Danielle said...

Just know that it gets easier and you are doing a great job. I stressed a lot about cosleeping and my babies napping in my arms but honestly I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. The snuggles are amazing and life will wait.

Kenzie Smith said...

I promise that it will get easier, it doesn't seem like it will but it will! That's great that you are so focused on your little man - it's not easy juggling blogging and being a mom. I usually try to blog late at night after my son has gone to sleep. When my son was a newborn breastfeeding was really hard for us - his mouth was too small and I was chapped like nobody's business. We weren't able to keep going, but that's great that you're still going!

cynthia said...

You're doing just fine, I'm sure! Nobody has it figured out at first, or even later on. I am still figuring it out almost 11 months in. :)
(And we still co-sleep pretty much every night.)

Ashley said...

I'm sure you aren't giving yourself enough credit!! It is a big adjustmenta d it doesn't just happen over night, both you andbaby are learning!

Enjoy this time, it will be gone before you know it!!

I know I have days where I can't wait for to get home from work!

Bailey@Lost&Found said...

oh man, those first few months are HARD! so so HARD! you definitely are not alone. and breastfeeding is a complete and total BITCH sometimes- especially when your baby won't take a bottle (oh yea, my baby). Just wait. My guy is 6 months and while we still have rough days here and there, things are a million times better. a MILLION times easier. I think 4 months was the magic time. I still stress and worry, but that's just who I am. But overall, things are pretty amazing! My biggest regret is not living in the present during those first few months- I will work really hard to change that with baby #2 (and obv things are better since i'm wanting baby #2 again LOL)! Hang in there- such an amazing time is just ahead!