Cabo, July 2013
I still remember how scared I was when I stepped onto the plane at Dulles airport in Virginia. How frightening it felt to know this was a one way ticket to Seattle and I didn't know when I would be back. I was nervous about things not working out and me returning home hanging my head in shame, telling others that Steven and I didn't work out, he wasn't "the one" for me after all, I couldn't find a job, I was out of money, out of luck, out of hope. I sat in between an old man who slept most of the way and a young girl returning to Seattle - her home- after spending the summer in DC. I cried silently as I sat there, hoping if they did notice, they'd assume it was the book I had buried my face into that was making me do so.
That was over 2 years ago.
If I had to summarize this past year in one word I would choose "settled." I know I've blogged about this back in September (here), but while reflecting on 2013 that word keeps pressing it's way to the forefront of my mind. This is the year I felt settled. Settled in my job, in my marriage, in friendships and community, and, most importantly, in myself. Probably for the first time in my life.
I don't want to repeat all I said in my previous post on being settled, but just that there were a lot of changes and challenges this year for me but not one of them knocked me down. I felt grounded enough to withstand all the strong winds swirling around me. I experienced plenty of fear this year and plenty of disappointment, but I also found strength and joy in abundance.
Together, Steven and I shared our first overnight stay at the hospital, tackled many home projects, handed our financial situation over to God and found a burden lifted through the simple obedient act of tithing, bought a truck, went on more hikes than I can count with our favorite sidekick, Huckleberry, delved into the world of Paleo and hot yoga, celebrated our one year anniversary in Cabo, and received the surprise of our lives...the news that we'd be welcoming a son in 2014. And yet, through all the high and lows I felt overwhelming settled in where I was in life. I felt firm, grounded, and immensely blessed in the good and not so swell times.
I think as humans we crave intimacy, security, and a sense of belonging. And this year I found all three. This year I discovered myself, where I belong, and with whom I belong.
I'm finally settled and, oh, so grateful!
2013, you're going to be a hard one to beat.